#Blessed & Mirror Mirror

Life has been anything but easy the last year. I filed for divorce from my husband last July after enduring 16 years of verbal and emotional abuse--not only toward me, but to my children as well. In October, I was unexpectedly laid off from my job. One of the biggest blessings I received was a job offer less than two months later from a company only 3 miles from my house. I have been richly blessed not only in getting the job, but I have received a lot of positive visibility in the 4 months I have been there, and as such, as part of a reorganization, I am inheriting more direct reports and the opportunity to build a team with new processes.

This has put a lot of additional stress on me, as I feel that I now need to work that much harder to keep the trust that people have in me. This morning I woke up and was so incredibly tired. Everywhere I went in the house, I saw clutter. In the back of my mind, I tried to figure out when I would get to the grocery store and when I would have time to clean my house. And, by the way, I need to do some shopping, because I've gained so much weight none of my clothes fit. But, I don't have the money to buy any clothes, because I just had to pay an additional $3,500 attorney retainer fee to a new divorce attorney, because my last one wasn't doing a thing after $8,000 of fees. I was brought to tears several times today when I would start to think about everything that is on my plate, and the blessings that God has so richly given me, slowly fade in my mind.

So I stop and think...what if I didn't have this job? What if they hated the work I was doing? What if I didn't have my daughter around to leave the clutter? What if I didn't have a house to live in? One of the reasons I am so busy is because I spend my time as a parent running my daughter to her activities. She's a phenomenal trumpet player at age 14...another blessing from God. In addition, God has placed some very influential people in her life that will be a benefit to her should she decide to pursue a music performance career.

In summary, I listed my blessings, but also did some reflecting by looking in the mirror. The person I see is suffering from stress and the consequence is taking its toll on me by making me feel sad, lonely and anxious. My time with The Lord vanished this week, because I was too busy. Lord, I know something needs to give in my life. It's clear to me that trying to do it all is taking me away from You, and instead of being thankful for everything you have done for me and given me, I am wallowing in self pity. Open my eyes, Lord, and bring me closer to You, and give me peace.

Chapter 1: What Works and What Doesn't

What Works and What Doesn’t is the section of Chapter One in Stressed-Less Living that describes me to a “tee.” I have done it all–sharing my feelings with friends and coworkers, to the point that I’m sure they went running the opposite way when they saw me. I would stay angry with those that were causing stress in my life. This was so true when it came to work situations. I have always found reasons to dislike my job and dislike certain people I work with. After all, it’s all their fault that I’m stressed. If only they would…, then I would be happy and everything would be great.

I also did everything to try and make myself happy–massages, days off, and just like the author, my downfall was SHOPPING. I, too, always felt good when I bought new clothes–look good, feel good, but needless to say I always racked up a heap of bills, draining my savings accounts and charging up credit cards, which then stressed me out. I’ve always tried to look for happiness by finding a new job, finding a new church, trying to find a way to start my own business so I wouldn’t have to work for anyone else. I realize that I have been miserable for the majority of my life, always blaming my job, my marriage, my children, the house, the neighbors--you name it, it stressed me out!

I need to ask God for peace. I feel that I have started to trust Jesus–I needed to, as back in October I was laid off from my job. I’m in the middle of a divorce, and losing my job was not something I planned. I prayed and prayed that I would be OK, and within two months, I had two job offers. The job I accepted has had its challenges, so now I’ve begun to complain about having to work. Goodness, you’d think I’d be happy and thankful I have a job! After reading this chapter, I realized that I need to go to work every day, trusting Jesus. Trusting Him to make my day complete, and the days that I ask for His peace and presence, I have noticed I leave work and go home much calmer than I do on those days that I let myself get wrapped up into work.

Right now I also have to trust Jesus as I am drowning in legal fees from my divorce. I have now decided to “fire” my attorney and get a new one, knowing that it will cost me to start over again. I don’t know where I’m going to get the money, but I need to just trust and pray that Jesus will help me.